Dear Friends,
April 29th there will be a eveidentiary hearing on two legal issues that the courts have seen as a possible violation of my constitutional rights, both have to do with the prosecuting attorney withholding evidence during my initial trial. The State's Attorney has been pretty much confused on what position he will take on the matter. My attorney feels very confident that with the evidence we have to present the judge could very likely rule in our favor, but that is looking at the situation from an optimistic perspective.
On the other hand, my emotions have been very unsettled about this hearing. This is a very stressful time for me right now because although I wish to be optimistic, I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high.
I am asking that you all keep me in your constant prayers as I go through this struggling process.

Best wishes in truth and justice,
Anthony

P.S.
Anyone who wishes to attend the hearing it will be held at:

601 Rosenburg
Galveston, TX.
(in the post office building)
April 29th
8:30 AM
Judge Samuel Kent's court room

Dear Friends,

Thank you all for always writing and asking how I am holding up under the weight of this struggle. It absolutely means a lot to me when friends are warm and considerate toward me.

I am holding up pretty well. I put a lot of energy into keeping and maintaining a positive perspective on my situation as well as the possibility of abolishing the death penalty. But as any of you can imagine all days doesn't come with sunshine around here, and there are many cloudy days I find myself dealing with. I always say, there's a lot going on around me, and at the same time nothing at all is going on, and I'm usually caught in the balance of the two. For example, a week or so ago the guards found a friend of mine dead in his cell. He was found with with his radio headphones on his head and his shower shoes on his feet. I was told that it looked as if he had gotten out of his bed and fell in the middle of the floor and died. Immediately rumors started to fly that perhaps he committed suicide, but that was ruled out because it didn't look like foul play. I was glad to hear that it wasn't suicide because I didn't want to think that KB actually took his own life.

Kalvin McGee was his name. He was around 27 years old. We called him KB and he used to always have a smile on that big brown round face of his. I don't really know the cause of his death but several months ago he was complaining of chest pain He went to the infirmary and told us they said it was probably gas and sent him back to his cell. Just another one of the many horrible situations behind these walls that I find myself dealing with. The nightmare continues..

My attorney sent me a letter along with a copy of the brief we are filing to the Supreme Court on my behalf. In this letter he was telling me that the evidentiary hearing for my case will be April 2Sr. This hearing pertains to the two issues the 5^{th Circuit Court of Appeals granted me a few months ago. Hopefully the judge will see the need to grant me a new trial. I sure hope so because dealing with this situation on a daily basis has gotten old. I find myself using more and more energy trying to deal with this injustice. I've noticed that sleeping doesn't come easy anymore at night. So many thoughts be running through my head ....thoughts of loved ones, thoughts of my freedom, thoughts of loneliness, thoughts of hopelessness, thoughts of the daily mental grind of this hell I live every day. So many thoughts at night that I can't seem to shut off my mind and I'll find myself tossing and turning in my bed all night...but then sometimes it is okay because often when I think of my life on the other side of these bars I find myself fantasizing till the break of dawn. But when feelings of despair creep in the nights become very hard to deal with. I wanna go to sleep so bad that often the tears start flowing down my cheeks ...but tomorrow will always be another day and it will start whether I'm ready for it or not. So therefore I'm always ready to face it with a smile on my face and with hope for justice in my heart... Life just keeps on living...}

Best Wishes, Anthony

Here on Texas Death Row one of the few privleges we have has been the privelege of going to commisary. We are able to purchase things such as food items, personal hygeines, shoes and clothing items (undershorts, t-shirts, socks, and thermal wear) These are just as expensive in here as they are on the outside.

Inmates who aren't fortunate enough to be provided with financial assistance are forced to wear state issued clothing. These same items are passed around from inmate to inmate which could be very unsanitary. Can you imagine wearing your neighbors undershorts the day after he gets out of them? Well that's the guy down here that has no financial assistance.

We are always in need of help in one form or another, whether it's legal assistance, friendship, books, magazines, or someone sending money to the inmate trust fund to help take care of our needs in this hell hole. I'm sure many of you know how hard it is to ask anyone for some kind of help simply because you can't do for yourself. Most of us feel the same way. I guess pride can work against you sometimes.

I hope that you can all understand our position down here. So if there's anyway you feel you can help anybody down here, including myself, then don't hesitate because it is greatly needed and will be very much appreciated.

Best wishes to you and your family and we here on Texas Death Row look forward to hearing from you...

Best Wishes

Anthony Graves

It’s the beginning of a New Year and as I sit here on Texas Death Row, reflecting on memories and special moments of the past, my mind keeps wondering back to all the letters I’ve received over the years, and the special friendships that have come from them.

When people first start writing to me they quickly noticed how positive my letters are and how they are filled with such humorous laughter. They quickly respond and seem to always make the same comment :

“ I like that you can still be positive and happy under your circumstances, I know it must be hard ?”

I’ve often thought of this comment and have tried so very hard to put it in such a perspective that I can better understand it myself.

I’ve come to the realization that “No”, it is not hard for me to be a positive and happy person under any circumstances.

Life and all the many circumstances that come with it lead me to believe that our happiness comes from our own choosing.

I am of strong mind that we get out of this life, the kind of effort we put into it. When we look into the mirror the reflection that stares back at us is the one person that controls our happiness.

After discovering this fact in life, I decided long ago that I would never give anyone or any circumstance control over my happiness.

I am still able to be happy under these circumstances because I choose to be happy. Tomorrow isn’t a promised day to any of us and should I die tomorrow, it gives me great comfort and peace to know that last day on earth I was happy.

So my dear friends, as I sit in this small cell and think of the comment that many of you have made to me, it has come to my attention that, happiness is a state of mind that has nothing to do with physical circumstances. We discover true happiness when we discover our own control over it. I refuse to allow this injustice to rule over my happiness because it is mine and nothing or no one can take it from me.

My friends, this 2004 season of life find your true happiness and when you do realize that it is yours to keep if it is what you choose. It is yours and therefore you have a right to it.

Happy New Year !
Anthony

June 11, 2003, was the most painful day of my 11 years of incarceration . Since being on death row many executions have taken place but none of them will ever compare to what I witnessed on this particular day.

Kia Johnson is a friend of mine and was scheduled to get executed this day. I arranged with a friend of mine from the free world to come visit me during the same time he would have his final visit with his family. Everything worked out and I found myself sitting next to Kia in the visiting room laughing and talking with he and his family. His mother was beautiful and his brother was funny . We all tried to keep the mood as light as possible because we knew that in time Kia would have to deal with the date of the executioner...

Kia and I spoke a little about what he was getting ready to experience in the awkward conversation between us told me that my friend was scared and I wanted to be there as much as possible for him.

At 11:55 a.m. the officers came to get him and told him that he only had 5 minutes left to say his good-byes. At that moment waves of feelings came over me that I wasn’t prepared for . I knew I had to be strong for him so I fought back the tears as best I could.

The officers finally handcuffed Kia and opened the cage to let him out. He came out and walked right to the cage that I was sitting in . I stood up and we looked each other in the eyes for what I knew was the last time.

"Anthony", he said to me... I replied, "Keep your head up, man... Just go over there and eat a lot of stuff and come on back". " Ain’t no secret ", was his response, and then was lead away with several officers following him... At this moment I turned around to face his visitors , who were watching him walk away, and looked into the eyes of his mother . Words cannot describe the emotions I saw in this beautiful woman’s eyes, while watching the officers take her son away to be murdered like some wild animal... At this point I lost control of my emotions and a river of tears began to pour down my face..

I don’t know if I was crying because of my friends fate , or because of all the pain I had seen in his mother’s eyes. As I sat in that cage and watched his mother and friends walk away, a million thoughts began to creep through my mind all at once. I felt suffocated , helpless, weak.. A part of me was dying at that moment.

After everyone left the visiting room an eerie silence took over the whole room. All of a sudden I heard a guard and another inmate talking..." How long has Kia Johnson been here", ask the officer. "He hasn’t been here long", "Man, I’m ready to go back to my cell" said the inmate. "We have to wait for them to put that inmate in the van and pull off before I can take you back because no one can be in the hall way while they are loading an inmate to be carried to the execution table". "Man, It’s a good day to go fishing " the officer said.." Yeah, I use to go fishing all the time", responded the inmate. "Okay, it’s time to go they just pulled out with him" said the officer . "Man, Don’t forget to stop by the kitchen and get me a tray because I heard that they were having chicken today", replied the inmate.

As I left , I sat there baffled at the exchange of conversation I had just heard between the officer and the inmate. A man was in the process of being executed, and from both ends of the spectrum I had witnessed , in a matter of minutes, a lot of pain and sadness, to someone thinking it was just another good day...

I don’t know where I am going with this story , but I can tell you as I sit here and write about it, another day has come, my friend was executed, I’m sure the officer went fishing, and the inmate got his tray of chicken.

But there is a mother who has just become a victim of another senseless murder...

When will it all end ?

Hello, my name is Anthony Graves and I've been incarcerated on Texas Death Row since 1994. Back in 1992, I was arrested and charged with an horrible crime that the facts prove I did not commit. Two and a half years later I was convicted and sentenced to death. Upon my arrival to this place I didn't know what to expect. You know it's funny, we always tend to develop these preconceived ideas about places like death row, along with the people that are housed in them. My first week in this hell was a very lonely and frightful experience, one filled with fear and uncertainly, I thought everyone around me were these mad, insane killers who only lived to kill and kill again.

My friends, you see, I was one of the many who allowed our government, through the media to influence my opinion toward people I'd never met I was always told that people on death row were the worst of humanity and didn't deserve to breathe the same air as you or I. The politicians use to tell society that the only way we could feel safe in our homes were to lock these people up and kill them. In other words, we are going to kill our way to safety and security from these people.

My first week on death row, I spent alone. I wouldn't go to recreation with the other guys or do anything that would put me in direct contact with these killers. A week later a guy who was housed several cells away called out to me and asked who I was and for me to come out to recreation later on that day. I didn't want anyone to think that I was a coward so I accepted his invitation, and hours later found myself in the company of men who society said should die. I was a little nervous at first, but it didn't take long for me to realize that my opinion about these men were wrong, in fact I immediately found myself enjoying the camaraderie between me and these people. When I finally went back into my cage, I sat down and reflected upon what had just taken place between the other inmates and myself.

I realized that these men were not in the image that the media had portrayed them to be, but on the contrary, they were just normal people who had made a mistake in life and had been condemned to die for it. There are many factors that goes into a man receiving the death penalty; most of them society isn't really educated on because they would be exposed to flaws of such a system.

I've been here a little over eight years and during this time I've come to develop some genuine friendships with several guys here. These friendships haven't been easy because I've also had to witness a lot of them being taken to the gurney and executed. I can't begin to describe the roller coaster of emotions that one deals within a system like this. I feel like I've died a thousand times in this place.

Why would I want to tell such a story you might ask? Well, because my entire life I've been programmed to believe what I've heard through the news media about such people and it has dawned on me that our government though the media has been giving our society nothing but propaganda regarding the men on death row in order to attempt to justify their position on this whole death penalty system.

I'm not writing this story to convince anyone that the men on death row are saints and should be looked at in such a way; It would be foolish to attempt to appeal to the public like that. I am writing this story to shed some light on the fact that in all walks of life there are good and bad people. The men on death row are not different from your good neighbor or your bad neighbor. It is simply my wish that as a society we stop judging such people without any personal knowledge of them, and instead of turning our backs on them, we would become more concerned about this whole death penalty situation, enough to get personally involved and find out for ourselves who these men really are. It doesn't take but a few minutes of your time and a little effort. I think that as a society if we are going to judge men in this position then we should at least feel obligated to find out who are the men we are judging.

Peace and Blessing.

Waking up on death row every morning is always the beginning of a nightmare.

My day starts when most of society is still asleep. At 3:am in the morning, I am awaken by the louds sounds of a correctional officiers shouts, "Chow time, cut your lights on and have a seat on your bunks." This is a vocal signal that breakfast is now being served, and that the psychological games for today have just begun.

Metal against metal began to sound out loud as the officiers open and slammed these metal doors against one another, causing a slight irritation with sleepy inmates.

Once seated on our bunks, the officers places a tray of cold and very little amount of food inside the slot that's inthe middle of the call door; he then commands you to come and get it, like a master does his dog while training him. Most of the time the food is thrown all over the tray like scrappings being piled up to be thrown away in the garbage.

Once the process of feeding breakfast has been completed, we usually try to fall back to sleep again before the next shift of officiers come to work. (which is less than two hours.)By the time you are abble to fall asleep, the lights quickly comes to back on in your cell for count. The officiers come through and ask for your name and T.D.C number. Lights are turned back off only to be turned right back on again 15 minutes later for recreation to begin.

Recreation is for one hour and consit of an area slightly bigger than the cage we are housed in. We are totally isolated in this cage, and the only contact we have with each other is eye contact. (Have you ever seen an animal pacing back and forth in his cage at the local zoo? Then this is the image of a death row inmate during recreation.)

The officier comes back to your cage to ask if you are going to rec.hoping that you are still sleeply and willing to refuse. Once it has been confirmed that you intend to go to rec.he then asks you to go through the humiliating routine of being stripped naked. He asks for your clothes, tells you to raise your hands, run yourfingers through your hair, stick out your tongue, lift your testicles, turn around, raise your feet, bend over and spread your cheeks. Once this process of humiliation is completed you are handed back your undershorts and shoes; told to back up to the door to be handcuffed and then escorted by the two officers working the Pod, to the recreation cage. Once secure inside this area they remove the handCuffs and give you the rest of your clothing. After rec.is up we are made to go through the wHole process of being humiliated again. We are then taking back to our cells and remain there untIl the officiers are ready to take us to shower.

Showers are located at the end of the walk way, which is only several feet from your cell, but you are stilL asked to strip naked and go through the whole strip search routine before being taken to the shower. You are handcuffed behind you back and escorted by two offciers.

Everywhere you go you are stripped search and handcuffed behind your back to reinforced the psychological mind game that you are powerless and therefore less than a human being.

Once returning to our cells after shower we are there for the remainder of the day, unless you are visited by family and friends, or have some kind of medical appointment.

We are served two more meals throughout the rest of the day, receive mail, pased out half clean necessities, ie. socks, undershorts, jumpsuits, sheets and towels that have all ben worn or used by many other inmates.

As the end of the day, we say our prayers, lay our heads down and began preparing our minds for the wake of another nightmare.

Anthony Graves.